Monday, July 27, 2009

He/She Is Right About The Relish, By The Way

This is the most enthralling piece of commentary I’ve seen on the fast food industry in years. You got served, Eric Schlosser. I couldn't write anything more entertaining than this so I'm going to just transcribe part of this monologue on "bringing the fever" at Krispy Creme:

Then when we opened up the box, the bitch didn’t even have the order right as far as I’m concerned. Because, Bitch, ain’t nobody asked for all these jelly-filled donuts, Bitch. As far as I’m concerned, as far as I’m concerned. I didn’t ask for no JELLY-FILLED, Boo! I don’t like all this motherfuckin lubrication around my donuts. I don’t like the way it feels when I bite into a donut and there’s all this shit pouring into my mouth. I don’t too much care for that. I don’t too much care for all that jelly motherfuckin navigatin through my mouth like GP -motherfuckin -S, Bitch.

And that’s another thing. Speaking of, let’s just talk about this overall, in fast food in general. I can’t stand when someone gives me an attitude. Because some days I put up with it a little bit, you understand? Because I don’t want no spit or boogers or FECAL MATTER REMNANTS in my meal. And a lot of times, let’s say you get a Big Mac Meal, number one -- special sauce and shit on that ass -- with your fries and your drink, you don’t even too much know. There could be a booger in there, you know? Cuz they got that green little relish in that burger, so therefore you don’t really know if that’s a booger or if that’s relish. You just have to go on faith and hope that shit is relish that you’re looking at. So what I’m saying is you don’t want to take a chance. So you want to be nice and treat people the right way, which is what I do just by nature.


Scott S. Semester said...

Except for the topic matter, his/her syntax and sentence structure almost perfectly matches that of former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin.

Also, I love that it's four minutes into the story (at which point I was already exhausted) before the Krispy Kremes are even ordered.

Finally, I will be using the phrase, "If you want to give this to me as a BO-NUS, that's fine!" with much frequency, whether it applies to an apple pie and motherfucking fruit parfait or not.

Noelle Hancock said...

Hilarious. So true. And the next time I order a Big Mac, I'm making it a point to ask for "special sauce and shit on that ass."

gagknee said...

i think i speak for a lot of people when i say, "W. T. F."

Kerri Lynne said...

HAHAHAHAH. "I don’t like all this motherfuckin lubrication around my donuts."

Let me restate: HAHAHAHAH.