Wednesday, June 24, 2009

The Throws of Kilimanjaro

It is upon me. I'm off to try to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. See you in 11 days! (hopefully)


Thursday, June 18, 2009

Except, I Don't Like Racquetball

Only six days left till I attempt to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. Dave Eggers wrote a short story called "Up the Mountain, Coming Down Slowly" about a woman who climbs Mt. Kilimanjaro. It was a fictionalization of his own experience scaling the mountain a few years ago. This passage perfectly encapsulates where my head is at right now:

She cannot recall the source of her motivation to spend four days hiking up this mountain, so blindingly white at the top -- a hike some had told her was brutalizing and often fatal and others had claimed was actually just a walk in the park. She was not sure she was fit enough, and was not sure she would not be bored to insanity. She was most concerned about the altitude sickness. The young were more susceptible, she’d heard, and at thirty-eight she was not sure she was that anymore -- young -- but she felt that for some reason she in particular was always susceptible and she would have to know when to turn back. If the pressure in her head became too great, she would have to turn back. The mountain was almost twenty thousand feet high and every month someone died of a cerebral edema and there were ways to prevent this. Breathing deeply would bring more oxygen into the blood, into the brain, and if that didn’t work and the pain persisted, there was Diamox, which thinned the blood and accomplished the same objective but more quickly. But she hated to take pills and had vowed not to use them, to simply go down in the pain grew intolerable -- but how would she know when to go down? What were the phases before death? She might at some point realize that it was time to turn and walk down the mountain, but what if it was already too late? It was possible that she would decide to leave, be ready to live at a lower level again, but by then the mountain would have had its way and there, on a path or in a tent, she would die. [...]

She has bought new boots, expensive, and has borrowed a backpack, huge, and a Therm-a-rest, and sleeping bag, and cup, and a dozen other things. Everything made of plastic and Gore-Tex. The items were light individually but together were heavy and all of it is packed in a large tall purple pack in the corner of the round hut and she doesn’t want to carry the pack and wonders why she’s come. She is not a mountain climber, and not an avid hiker, and not someone who needs to prove her fitness by hiking mountains and afterward casually mentioning it to friends and colleagues. She likes racquetball.

Today in Texting With Jessica: Mt. Kilimanjaro Edition

Me: Was just reading the Wikipedia entry about Arusha, the city in Africa where I'll be staying before I hike Mt. Kilimanjaro. This line stood out:

Increasingly, tourists are being held up at machete point, even during the day.

Jessica: Omg, that's so authentic!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I Know I'm Late On This

Dancers wearing Hammer Pants flash mob a trendy store and surprise hipsters shopping for skinny jeans.

This is the most impressive thing I've seen in quite some time. In particular, the white guy in the tie really owned it.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Today in Texting With Jessica

Me: Is there any part of town more useless than Tribeca?

Jessica: Murray Hill.

Me: At least you can always get a cab in Murray Hill.

Jessica: True. You can always get a cab, and an STD.

Monday, June 01, 2009

You Would Never Guess I've Been Through Two Rounds of Media Training, Would You?

I'm going to appear as a guest on Fox News' Red Eye tonight. Tomorrow. Tonight. Whatever. On Monday at 3 a.m. Eastern Standard Time. I promise to make lots of untoward faces again! (The above is from the last time I was on the show when I did an impression of myself driving a car while listening to Beyonce music.)

There is a good chance they will be airing footage from my recent skydiving endeavor. The straining expression on my face during the free fall is similar to the grimace people make while being anally penetrated against their will. Get your Tivo ready, Mom.

UPDATE: The skydiving footage isn't airing tonight. It will run in a few weeks. Sad face! :-(

Today in Texting With Jessica

Jessica: 'Confessions of a Go-Go Girl' -- another Saturday night, destroyed by a Lifetime movie.

Me: I hear it's the Citizen Kane of tv movie presentations.

Jessica [four hours later]: Now I'm watching another Lifetime movie starring Stephan Jenkins. Of Third Eye Blind. Big night here.

Me: I'm watching my boyfriend pee with the bathroom door open so that he doesn't have to put 'Benjamin Button' on pause. Which is worse?

Jessica: Um, you win. But only by a hair.