Yes, you’ve caught me. While employed at Usmagazine.com I took time out of my busy workday to comment repeatedly on my own blog posts, under my own name, even though employees were forbidden to leave comments. In addition to entrusting me to write 100-word blog posts about Britney Spears, this billion-dollar corporation with a scrupulous legal department granted me access to a confidential database full of our readers’ private information, which I illegally accessed for nefarious purposes. It is also true that while I have no earthly idea who you are, I have been relentlessly stalking you online for the last two years. And I occasionally send you messages through Labrador retrievers and David Letterman. I’m watching you right now, fyi. I liked your hair better the old way.
I’ll be seeing you. (Really.)
Hugs and Kisses,