Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Random Thoughts I Thought At The Airport Today

“Do not accept packages from strangers that you do not know well.” Does anybody copy edit these announcements before they go out or are they just winging it back there?

Has anyone ever gone to the airport chapel? Do we even have those in New York airports? If so, how long until we turn it into a nightclub?

My carry-on bag is always too heavy to hang on the hook on the bathroom stall door in the airport, so I end up having to put my bag on the floor. This makes me think of this statistic I once read stating that over 60% of purses have fecal matter on them from people placing them on the floor in bathrooms. When I repeated this stat to my friend Lindsey, she replied, “My question is -- who are all these people shitting on the floor?”

I have to say, I’m not a fan of the automatic toilet flush. I always get really stressed out trying to keep both butt cheeks on the seat while I’m wiping. Because if one of them lifts off you get the pre-emptive flush, which not only splatters your butt with used toilet water, but then you end up having to flush twice, so everyone thinks you just did some really nasty business that merited the double-flush. I’d rather return to a simpler time when I flushed the handle with my foot.

Why does “courtesy boarding” permit parents with children under age five to board the plane first? Shouldn’t they have to board the plane last as a courtesy to everyone else? Or preferably, not at all?

Every time my parents pick me up from the airport I have to ask, “What color is this year’s SUV?”


Lindsey said...

Seriously....who ARE the people going all over the floor. Gross. Get some control people.

Anonymous said...

You have to worry about urine on the floor too. I also hate the backsplash from the toilets flushing as well. Public bathrooms are always frightening.

John said...

When toilets are flushed they release fecal particles in the air that land on the floor, as well as purses and bags, really anything in the bathroom. This is why I keep my toothbrush in the living room.

Miss Grace said...

As a parent of an under-5-year-old, I would MUCH rather board the plane at the last possible moment. You can, because you don't HAVE to board with the courtesy group.

Although, full disclosure, I refuse to fly with my son, and I've yet to try the experiment.

Daughter said...

Parents with children under 5 should never be allowed to get on planes. Ever.

Susanna said...

Hello, my cousin! If you think children on airplanes and public restrooms are scary, you should try both at the same time! The sounds from public restrooms generated by this mom, a potty training toddler and a toddler too small to take instructions, while balancing my oversized and overstuffed purse on my shoulder (not stuffed with my stuff, and trying not to knock out one of the toddlers or god forbid knock one on to the poop-laden floor) are highly humerous or frightful or annoying (depending on the observer's mood, I suppose). I take the "reach for the ceiling approach" to just get them not to touch the horrifying filth for just a bit and focus on trying to touch something other than the wall-mounted "personals" disposal system, unlocking the door while I'm hovering and trying to keep the annoying auto flush from "taking off", or playing with a dirty drain on the floor (an all time horrifying low). And, toddlers are even more scared of the auto flush. This has led to me discover this gem: if you put a piece of toilet paper over the sensor, it won't flush if you accidentally moon it. I miss you and next time you're privy to a public restroom, listen for my typical chaos......

Rick Hasney said...

just flew with my 4 and 9 yr olds who sat quietly and listened to ipods and colored and NEVER spoke loudly. Can't say that about the adults on the plane. and yes, we prefer to board last (or whenever)

public bathrooms/auto toliets. did a week in disney and experienced the ass splashing. not nice.

and what's with all the guys there using the toilets to pee and not lifting the seat. I now know what women and been yelling about for all these years. sad part was, dads were teachin' their little monsters this practice to guarantee it continues for generations.

first I have to wipe someone else's f-in pee off the seat then the auto toliet sprays sheety yellow water at me. gross. just gross. and this is coming from a earthy kind of guy.

Anonymous said...

"so everyone thinks you just did some really nasty business that merited the double-flush."