Thursday, August 21, 2008

So I'm Pretty Sure My Parakeets Are Gay


To think this once seemed innocent.

I caught Jesus and Stuart kissing the other day. It's more than kissing, actually. They do this weird...THING where they join beaks and then sort of vomit into each other's mouths and when they pull away there's a trail of saliva dangling between them. At first I thought something was wrong so I rushed them to the doctor.

"Yeah, that's probably sexual," the vet said when I described the exchange.

"But they're...boys," I said. I specifically got two boys because the pet store owner scared me away from getting a girl. Just as in real life, girls in the parakeet world are trouble. They can be hyperaggressive and gang up on the boy parakeet, yanking out his feathers and pecking him until he's bleeding. The bird expert also said that incidents of parakeet rape (seriously) have been known to occur when you have males and females in the same cage. That was all I needed to hear to convince me that boy keets were the way to go.

I like to think of myself as an observant mother but this took me by surprise. My first thought after I found out was, "Then why is their cage always such a mess?" Since modern science has yet to conclude whether sexuality is nature versus nurture, I'm not sure if they were born avian homosexuals or if this has something to do with the disco ball I installed in their cage awhile back.

"Maybe it's like prison?" my friend Lindsey offered. "You know? Like when you have no other prospects."

I'm actually pretty relieved. I'd always worried that I was depriving them by not supplying them with a girl. Now I know they have someone there who is both a companion and fulfills their sexual needs, like when two best friends start banging.

I'm just happy they've found love.

1 comment:

Miss Grace said...

Maybe it IS like prison, I mean, those are some pretty suggestive bars on the cage there.