Thursday, August 07, 2008
I've Been Eyebrow Raped
Don't make the same mistake Pam and I made. Let's keep this a safe space.
In retrospect, I guess the thing I remember the most was how quickly it all happened. One second I was lying down on a bench and then it was over. Then when I looked in the mirror I had a little less eyebrow – a lot less eyebrow. When you think about it, it’s ridiculous that people allow their eyebrows to be waxed. It’s akin to getting your hair cut with your eyes closed.
And anyone who’s ever seen my forehead in person knows that I can’t afford to lose that kind of follicular real estate. To be plain, my forehead is huge. With my too small brows, my face now resembles an apartment with lofted ceilings and furniture that’s too small. The scale is completely off.
Naturally I had to go on television today. Twice. One of my appearances was filming a segment about Madonna for a program that’s the U.K. equivalent of the Today show. Appropriately, I showed up looking like a parishioner at the Church of Latter Day Couric with brows carved into little happy steeples of perpetual surprise.
As any person who’s ever overplucked can tell you, they never really grow back the same way again. So here I am, my face cold and naked, shivering in the night. I’ve been forever changed but I will not let this change the way I live my life. For I have bought the LORAC Creamy Brow Pencil in taupe in addition to the Givenchy Mister Eyebrow-Fixing Pencil. It is time to take back the brow.