Wednesday, June 11, 2008

It's Hot, Yo. It's Real Hot.

My neighbor across the way. Ineffectual open window in the hizzouse.

P.S. I love you.

If you don't live in New York, I'm here to tell you that it is completely beastly outside. It's 95 degrees. It's "Africa hot." It's so hot that I can no longer put Jesus and Stu outside on the fire escape to flirt with other members of the avian community -- their favorite activity. Do you know how hot and humid it has to be to be too hot and humid to put your parakeets outside? I mean, they're tropical birds for godssake! It's so hot that my friend Jessica just texted me, "It's so hot I might slit my wrists just so I can splash some cool blood on my face." (She's a cold-blooded individual, apparently.)

Granted, I'm from Houston, which gets so hot in the summer that I always thought the city was secretly trying to kill its residents. But in Houston you spend your day traveling from one air conditioned place to another equally air-conditioned place or to a swimming pool. In New York you have to walk around in the heat, you have to carry things in the heat.

I see these people in NYC who don't have air conditioning. I don't understand these people. Where are their priorities?? Is it a money thing? Because I would give up food before I'd give up air conditioning. I'd be one hungry bitch but at the end of the day I'd be the hungry bitch with tolerable body odor and manageable hair. Take the woman who lives in the top floor apartment across the courtyard from me. Four windows and no window units! Who is this non-air-conditioning-having barbarian? She even leaves one of them open during the day and I can't help but think, "The only way that's going to help is if you jump out of it." This is how much I hate the heat. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to making sex to my air conditioner.


Rbastid said...

Its not really that bad today (Wed) I think the last few days was the worst, yesterday being the kicker, had the PATH trains out so had to go from Times Square, to WTC to take an unaitconditioned trained back to Jersey, Luckily I didn't lose power like everyone else.

I have a Cockatiel and does he ever get pissed when the air is off, guess evolution turned these birds into city folk quickly.

Noelle Hancock said...

it WAS bad today. mind you, not as bad as saturday through tuesday, but it was still bad.

MIke said...

OMG! I haven't heard 'Africa hot' in the longest time. That's hysterical. I'm going to make a point of working that into my elevator conversation chatter. I'm sure it will shake things up when I get the usual 'sure is a scorcher' comments.

Laura said...

isn't that why they invented the hamptoms?

Noelle Hancock said...

Yeah, and the Hamptons is why they invented investment banking jobs, which I don't have. Thus I will not be spending much time in the Hamptons. heh.

Anonymous said...

You're from Houston, where there is AC every where! Once you head North there is no such thing as central air, so people born and bred there are just use to it!