Wednesday, June 11, 2008
It's Hot, Yo. It's Real Hot.
My neighbor across the way. Ineffectual open window in the hizzouse.
P.S. I love you.
If you don't live in New York, I'm here to tell you that it is completely beastly outside. It's 95 degrees. It's "Africa hot." It's so hot that I can no longer put Jesus and Stu outside on the fire escape to flirt with other members of the avian community -- their favorite activity. Do you know how hot and humid it has to be to be too hot and humid to put your parakeets outside? I mean, they're tropical birds for godssake! It's so hot that my friend Jessica just texted me, "It's so hot I might slit my wrists just so I can splash some cool blood on my face." (She's a cold-blooded individual, apparently.)
Granted, I'm from Houston, which gets so hot in the summer that I always thought the city was secretly trying to kill its residents. But in Houston you spend your day traveling from one air conditioned place to another equally air-conditioned place or to a swimming pool. In New York you have to walk around in the heat, you have to carry things in the heat.
I see these people in NYC who don't have air conditioning. I don't understand these people. Where are their priorities?? Is it a money thing? Because I would give up food before I'd give up air conditioning. I'd be one hungry bitch but at the end of the day I'd be the hungry bitch with tolerable body odor and manageable hair. Take the woman who lives in the top floor apartment across the courtyard from me. Four windows and no window units! Who is this non-air-conditioning-having barbarian? She even leaves one of them open during the day and I can't help but think, "The only way that's going to help is if you jump out of it." This is how much I hate the heat. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to making sex to my air conditioner.