Wednesday, May 07, 2008

'Wall Street Journal' Articles My Dad Has Emailed Me Since I Was Laid Off

My father -- who I can say without bias is an adorable man -- likes to randomly email me articles from the Wall Street Journal, which he has read front to back every day for the last 35 years. He usually emails them without any explanation or context, leaving me to try to decipher the underlying meaning. Below, I list the ones he's sent me over the last six weeks and what I think it all means.

If at First You Don't Succeed, You're in Excellent Company
(Translation: It's okay that you got laid off. Happens to the best of 'em.)

How to Teach Yourself How to Do Almost Anything
(Translation: It's okay that you majored in American Studies and are now basically unfit for employment. There are online classes that can teach you how to do things.)

Gossip Blogger Expands Into Radio
(Translation: I'm emailing you a story about the astronomical success of Perez Hilton in an effort to inspire you, but I have no idea this man makes a living drawing semen blobs on celebrities' faces.)

The Star Treatment: Flying Like Jennifer Aniston
(Translation: See, the Journal runs stories about celebrities. Maybe you should try to get a job there?)

Newspaper-Circulation Drop Sharpens
(Translation: On second thought, don't get a job at the Journal or any other newspaper for that matter.)

To Cut Risks of Sleeping Pills, Hide Car Keys, Unplug Phone (Translation: I am worried that you take too many sleeping pills.)

New Tactics Take a Bite Out of Bedbugs
(Translation: Remember when you had bedbugs a few years ago? That was something.)

The Real Cost of Tackling Climate Change
(Translation: I'm still not sure that global warming is real, but even if it is I probably don't want to pay to fix it.)

Getting to Know John McCain
(Translation: I am worried New York is turning you into a liberal.)


Anonymous said...

What a great post. I think that your dad and my dad would get along famously.

Anonymous said...

Hi Non!
I just read your blog about Dad - that's hysterical. By the way he also cuts out articles for me to read from the WSJ & leaves them all over the house. He just handed me 3 articles while I was typing this comment!
Love, Mom

Anonymous said...

Well done. Very funny.

Anonymous said...

Noelle ~ you are one funny chick. BTW, my mom sends me clipped articles all the time via snail mail...although she'll write her point in all caps at the top of each one: save money, turn off lights, go to church, etc.

MIke said...

You officially get the gold star of the day for having a funny 'dad' post followed up by a funny 'mom' comment!

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