Nick and I went horseback riding in Prospect Park today. We've decided to start Doing Things again. When one of the other horses on the trail heeded the call of nature while still in motion, we had the following exchange:
Me: "Man, don't you wish you could take a shit while walking?"
Nick: "I really do. I'd save so much time."
These are the things we talk about.
On a related -- but less disgusting -- note, when I was nine years old I found myself on a runaway horse that had taken off galloping across a field headed for the woods. I was pulling as hard as I could on the reins but the horse wouldn’t slow down. Then I saw it off in the distance -– a thick tree branch headed directly for my face. I had no idea what to do. I know what you’re thinking. Why not just jump? But the horse was going incredibly fast so I just sat there paralyzed for awhile, weighing my options. Jump off the horse and risk breaking my neck or wait for the tree branch to do it for me? I actually have no idea what happened next. The next thing I knew I woke up on the ground in a thorn bush. I don’t think I hit the branch because I didn't have any bruising, but I also don’t remember making the decision to jump off. Best I can guess, I was so scared that I simply fainted and fell off. If I were faced with this dilemma today, I think I would just pee my pants and ask my heart to stop beating.