Wednesday, May 14, 2008

A Disturbing New Trend in Men's Footwear



I have to tell you, I hate mandals. They scare me. Three summers of lifeguarding taught me that men's feet belong in the category of Things Best Left Unseen along with Wild Hogs and celebrity vaginas. You know what else I fear? Gladiator sandals. Are they shoes or are they little foot prisons? Either way, this is me giving them a big Joaquin Phoenix thumbs down. When this trend took off in Hollywood, I responded more violently than I did to the great leggings plague of 2003. So when I was on the F train earlier today and looked down and saw a dude wearing gladiator sandals, I strongly considered pulling the emergency brake so that he would fall over and get some fashion sense knocked into him. Instead, I decided to get out my Blackberry and secretly take a picture of them. What else can one do in the presence of gladiator mandals? Unfortunately, the camera flash (which I didn't even realize my Blackberry had, by the way) had somehow been set to automatic. This big flash went off along with that audible click that says "I just took a picture." So busted. Everyone in the vicinity turned and looked at me standing there with my cell clearly pointed at the terrible shoes, at which point I turned and looked out the window.

2 comments:

MIke said...

First of all, I totally agree with you on the leggings. Alas I fear we may be in for another epidemic as La Lohan is coming out with her own line of the wretched garb. But what's worse is that the other day so a woman wearing STIRRUP PANTS! I desperately searched for Cyndi Leive's number so I could report the biggest Glamour Don't in all of creation, but sadly, no luck. I tell you, it's the End Days.

Mandals can only be called the Male Legging. You should have pointed out exactly what you were taking the picture of so people can recognize the horror in our midst. You could have been able to save humanity from our impending doom.

Tilly said...

BWAHAHAHA!!!

That is totally something I would get caught doing.