Sunday, April 27, 2008

Resolve: Should NYC Bars Close at 2 a.m.?

Last week I went out for an innocent post-work drink with my old R.A. from college. One drink turned into many drinks, which turned into an all-night dance session at the gay club Splash, which led to me smacking my forehead on a bar top (long story), which led to drinks at an after-hours bar, which led to me passing out facedown on my couch with all the lights on at 6 a.m. Note: This was a Tuesday night.

So when Page Six Magazine asked me to write a 150-word editorial arguing that New York bars should move last call up to 2 a.m., I agreed immediately, mostly to try to save me from myself. It’s not that I want to end debauchery in New York. I just think we should strive to get it out of the way earlier in the evening. Tracy Westmoreland (former owner of one of my favorite bars Siberia), argued the other side from an economical standpoint, making my references to Jäeger Bombs and regrettable sex seem pretty silly in comparison. I'm sorry to disappoint you. I know you were all expecting me to be the next Paul Krugman.

My editorial below:
Nothing good happens after 2 a.m. Ever. Think of all the late-night pizza-eating and booty-calling that could be avoided if we all went home earlier. Tally up the embarrassing karaoke sessions that would never have happened (your rendition of “It’s Raining Men” is still the stuff of office lend, by the way) if we were collectively cut off. There’s a reason we never find ourselves saying “Wow, I wish I’d stayed out later and had one last Jäeger Bomb.” Or “I really regret not having sex with that random stranger.” Imagine a Sunday morning when you wake up and actually accomplish something besides nursing a hangover. Or how much less grouchy we New Yorkers would be if we weren’t kept up all night by the loud drunken loiterers outside the bar next door. New York doesn’t need a few more rounds. We need a few more hours of sleep. So put down the beer, stop all the drunk-dialing and call me in the morning.

Bonus pics of me "dancing" at Splash below. I think I'm actually doing The Shopping Cart in that first photo:


Rottin' in Denmark said...

I wholeheartedly agree, which probably just means that we're both getting old. Viva 2 am!

Anonymous said...

i'm 25 and i occasionally have the all night subway ride black out session...bouncing from one end of the 2, or 3 train up in the bronx to wherever the hell the 2 or 3 train ends in brooklyn. i'll arrive home at 7am and pass out face down in my living room.

i'm still waiting for the day i drunkenly wind up on my ex's park slope doorstop with her kicking me to wake me up and asking, in what is surely to be a masked "i still love you" profanity ridden barrage of insults.

that side of me wants last call to be at 2am. however, do we really want to be as boring as boston?