Sunday, December 09, 2007
Unqualified Advice to the Broken-hearted
Last week, a reader posted the following comment on one of my posts:
can you please do a post about ridiculously insane breakups? i just went through one and need to read your entertaining thoughts on the anger and ridiculous things said back and forth (or just from side) at two people who one day prior were in love and planning their entire lives together.
isn't it such a phenomenon? let's say a girl gets absolutely verbally murdered by her ex bf a day after the aforementioned things being said. does she hate him from then on?
your thoughts would be priceless!
Oh Anonymous, sadly there's nothing entertaining about breakups, as anyone who saw The Break-up will tell you. They're awful and soul-annihilating and some of the most painful moments you will ever experience in life. Love and breakups are also thoroughly ridiculous on principle. So, one day you're closer to this person than any other human on the planet; you know more about them than even their own parents. Then out of nowhere you split up and become strangers and never speak again. I mean, how effed up is that? In the abstract it sounds like one of those unbelievable movie plot lines you watch and say, "Well, that's just not realistic at all. There's no way a bus could jump a 50-foot gap in the freeway. I don't care how fast it was going."
If love and breakups were a movie, I'd walk my ass out of the theater and tell my friends, "It was completely illogical. Didn't make sense at all. Don't waste your time and money." But of course, everyone goes to the movie anyway. Like 2 Girls, 1 Cup, some things just have to be experienced for yourself. No matter how bad the movie, we always manage to suspend our disbelief and convince ourselves that the next one will be better
But I digress. To answer your question, yes, totally just go ahead and hate him. Or just pretend that he died.
I will say, however, that past experience has taught me that everyone gets theirs in the end so take solace in that. Back in college I dated a guy that I really took for granted. I remember my mother saying to me at one point, "One day you're going to fall for a guy who treats you as badly as you treated [NAME REDACTED]." Of course, she was right. The next guy I dated was an utter douche. He ended up dumping me on my birthday via cell phone from another girl's party. But you know what? After me, he dated a girl who strung him along for years and banged all of his friends. Also, she had herpes. Karma is a bitch and she buys roundtrip tickets.