Saturday, December 01, 2007

Let's All Get Ripped

About a year ago I was running down 23rd Street on a cold night -- late for an ironic dinner at Olive Garden –- when the pointy toe of my boot caught the hem of my wide-legged tweed trousers. I went flying. It was a cold night so I’d had my hands buried deep down in my coat pockets. With nothing to break my fall I found myself trapped, straitjacket-like, in a prison of my own making. All I could do was turn my head to the side at the last second as I skid on my stomach across the concrete so I didn’t smash in my face.

I survived but I ended up tearing a hole in one of my pant legs which I still haven’t gotten repaired. A normal person would have put them away until they could visit a tailor, but I love them and I can’t help it. So I keep wearing my Banana Republic cashmere cardigans with those otherwise impeccably tailored Theory pants with a big ragged hole in the knee like those faded ripped jeans people used to wear to Cyndi Lauper concerts.

As I reach for them time and time again, I say to myself, “Eh, if anyone asks I’ll just tell them that it happened on the way to work today and I didn’t have time to go back and change clothes.” I do this with a lot of things. Stain on my favorite shirt? I just pretend it happened over breakfast. Missing buttons? It just popped off an hour ago -- damndest thing! I wish I could say I’m making some sort of statement but I really just hate shopping so I don’t have that many clothes and I’m too lazy to make it to the dry cleaners.

But the other day, as my mother eyed the fissure in my slacks: Inspiration! “Hey, what happened to your pants?!” Mother asked.

“’s this cool new thing that all these writers are doing,” I said. “Ripping up our tweed pants as a throwback to the 80s. I think the hipsters started it or something.”

"Really?" she said. "How cute!"

The more I think about it, the more I like this idea. I'm going to wear them around the East Village until they catch on. It'll just be a matter of time before they show up at Urban Outfitters where -- like the unlimited salad and breadsticks at the O.G. -- the douchey trends just keep coming. Say hello to the Sequin Igloo Mini and the Plaid Apron Skirt!


Letícia said...

Gostei muito desse post e seu blog é muito interessante, vou passar por aqui sempre =) Depois dá uma passadinha lá no meu, que é sobre frases e poesias, espero que goste. O endereço dele é Um abraço.

Anonymous said...

can you please do a post about ridiculously insane breakups? i just went through one and need to read your entertaining thoughts on the anger and ridiculous things said back and forth (or just from side) at two people who one day prior were in love and planning their entire lives together.

isn't it such a phenomenon? let's say a girl gets absolutely verbally murdered by her ex bf a day after the aforementioned things being said. does she hate him from then on?

your thoughts would be priceless!

Anonymous said...

I like this new trend! I hope to see much more of it very soon =)

Lindsey said...

What happened to us in our childhoods to make us so lazy? Literally, no one I know would wear a stained shirt out with plans to say "oh, it just happened" but me and, apparently, you. So funny!

Chad said...

So I just linked to your blog from And once I started reading, I read every post you had. Very entertaining.

John said...

Congratulations Noelle, you're a dude.