Monday, November 05, 2007

The Best Worst Action Movie Clichés



For whatever reason, TNT felt compelled to air Sahara on an endless loop Saturday night. Matthew McConaughey may be the only hot male celebrity who renders himself less attractive by wearing less clothing. After enduring his latent shirt allergy for the last few months, I’m now utterly repulsed by the sight of his areolas. It didn’t help when someone pointed out that he has ridiculously short arms and when he runs, it is reminiscent of a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Anyways, while I watched the indefatigable Dirk Pitt and his trusty sidekick Al embark on their various “high-flying adventures,” I was struck by how bad the movie was. It was really bad, y’all. There’s this one part where they’re handcuffed to the back of a pickup truck so they take out some screws and then the truck’s bed falls off. Then they drag the bed through the sand dunes until they come across this old abandoned plane which happens to have a tool kit, which they use to undo the handcuffs and repair the plane so they can go sand surfing to Steppenwolf's “Magic Carpet Ride." That was actually one of the more believable sequences.

But it got me thinking about wonderfully bad action movie lines in films like Armageddon, Independence Day, and the Die Hard and Bourne franchises. Here are a few I came up with:

“Sir, you’re going to want to take a look at this.”

“Now, people, now, move it!”

"Boss, you're gonna want to take this." [Holding up phone]

"Time is the one thing we don't have!"

"Sir, you better get down here."

“This better be good!” (Usually used when the phone rings at an ungodly hour to inform someone important that the world is about to go to hell in a hand basket)

“Get me the President!”

1 comment:

Too Cool for School said...

can we start a douche of the year of the year award? You know, as a response to Maxim's unsexiest woman of the year award. McConaughey could be the inaugural winner, no? Or JT?