Thursday, October 11, 2007

Taking Pictures With Celebrities: A Cautionary Tale

(Granted, this is a damn unflattering photo. Of Eva, I mean. It's too bad she's so unphotogenic or she could have been huge in Hollywood.)

Actresses are different from you and me. They have better bone structure and non-reflective skin and Ken Paves on speed dial. This is why one shouldn't pose for pictures while standing next to them. They will always cause you to look less attractive than you really are. When Eva Mendes came to lunch at Us Weekly today, I learned this lesson the hard way. Don't make the same mistakes that I did.

I'm putting up these two photos of me with my adorable 12-year-old sister and my father to illustrate how one's appearance returns to normal in photos with non-celebrities. Perhaps celebrities emit some sort of uglifying pheromones that make those around them look less attractive, thereby making themselves look even more beautiful in comparison. The way women rappers sometimes hire thick back-up dancers to make themselves look thinner.


Anonymous said...

did eva mendes really have sex with joaquin phoenix in her new movie?

John said...

What was happening to the left of you?

Anonymous said...

that's why i skipped that lunch. one tip: i make it a point to only get my pic taken with fuglebrities. bo bice & tisdale made me look like a young stephanie seymour. -carolyn