Friday, September 21, 2007

And the Lord Said, "Let There Be Celebrity Bloggers!"

This is my work ID card. I purposefully cropped out the top of the card lest any terrorists see it and create a fake ID, wander into Us Weekly Online headquarters and try to win again.

It’s hard to tell from the photo resolution but the picture was taken on Ash Wednesday so there’s a sizeable black cross emblazoned across that prodigious forehead. I was also really bloated so I look like one of those obese people that go on Montel and have to conduct the interview via satellite because they can’t leave their home without the assistance of a crane. (Whenever I’m telling this story, this is the part where the other person interrupts and says, “Your face could never look fat!” Then I show them the ID and they pause and say, “Well, you don’t look like that in REAL LIFE. At least your hair looks nice!” Anyways.)

The ID guy said that I had to take the photo that very day, no exceptions.

“What about the cross?” I asked.
“Rub it off,” he suggested.

I didn't; it felt like a test of some sort. The day was only half over and I wasn't taking any chances. Find someone else to split the difference on Hell, friend, but this ain't my first rodeo.

So now every time I enter my office building, I’m reminded of who I am, a fat-headed follower of Christ. And I flash my ID proudly because I know that I’m doing God’s work, one post about Sean Federline’s messed up grill at a time.


Too Cool for School said...

At least perez freely admits he's going to burn in hell. doesn't your religion give brownie points for confession or something? You might want to look into that.

ps the teeth whitening request suddenly seems downright prudent

The Cajun Boy said...

fret not stinky britches, you can afford some added bloat.

and what's wrong with an infant diet of doritos and coke? that's how we do in louisiana! my momma fed me that way and look at me...i turned out just fine!

Noah Benjamin Tourjee said...

Thats a priceless I.D.

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