Thursday, August 23, 2007

When Avian Fraternizing Goes Too Far

My parakeets in less traumatic times.

Every morning while I'm getting ready for work, I put my parakeets, Jesus and Stuart, out on my fire escape. I do this because they enjoy the sunshine and visiting with the other (less incarcerated) birds. They also get overly excited by the sound of running water and start chirping madly while I shower, and I'm worried that they're going to wake up the neighbors.

Over the last month, one particular pigeon developed a crush on my 'keets. It waits for them every morning and when I put out their cage, it immediately flies over and sits next to them until it's time for me to leave for work and I bring them back inside. It was like having my own personal keet-sitter.

This morning, however, would be different.

I put the parakeets out same as always but when I went to bring them in, it was there. IN THE CAGE WITH THEM.

I felt like a mother who'd come home to find her nanny in bed with her two sons. But mostly I was just trying to figure out how this enormous pigeon managed to break into their relatively small residence. There were no signs of forced entry. Did it want some ménage action with Stu and Jesus, beak open the sliding cage door, and just rustle its big feathery ass on in there?

I immediately brought the cage inside, and it exploded into a flurry of Hitchcockian activity. The pigeon started flapping wildly, knocking the parakeets off their perches with its enormous wings. They issued displeased squawks. I threw open the cage door and the pidge burst free, flying a few laps around my apartment and upsetting several tchockes before I managed to herd it out the window. Naturally I was late to work. I didn't really know how to explain.

I can't even think about what the pigeon might have been doing to my boys those precious minutes I was in the shower. I should never have left them alone together. But what can I do? Buy a stuffed animal parakeet and ask them, "Can you point on the doll where the pigeon touched you?"

For now, I'm going to keep them inside. The neighbors will just have to deal.


Anonymous said...

GF, your posts always crack my shit up, but seriously, what were you thinking letting a dirty ass pigeon get so close to Stu and Jesus in the first place?!

Noelle Hancock said...

I dunno! It seemed so innocent at the time...