Friday, August 17, 2007
Deconstructing Office Wall Decorations
So about a million times a day when I space out and my eyes absentmindedly drift towards the wall above my computer, this is what I see. You see, each employee at Us Weekly Online has their own celebrity paparazzi shot hanging above their desk. There appears to be no rhyme or reason to the photo placement (although my African-American coworker who has a picture of Diddy above her desk jokes that they did it on purpose). We can't make requests so whoever you happen to get, you’re pretty much stuck with. So while my neighbor gets Tom Cruise rollerblading in a muscle tanktop while pushing a stroller (you can't even imagine) , I'm stuck watching Ben Affleck perpetually walking out to his Rolls-Royce in pressed khakis while holding a refreshing beverage.
Judging by the car, these were clearly the J.Lo years. You can sort of see her head peeking above the passenger seat, most likely upholstered in skins harvested from the children who slave over her Sweetface clothing line. I want to reach out to Ben and tell him to turn around and walk away, or go straight back to the dealership. There are no plates on the car yet. He probably still has time to return it. And along the way he could drop Jennifer Lopez off somewhere. The block, perhaps.
Instead, he continues to stand outside the luxury automobile which – like the relationship itself – he will never fully get into. Meanwhile, the McDonald's sign looms in the background, representing the commodification of the actor into something easily consumable by the masses, but who the public would eventually return to the McDonald's counter of life, saying, "Actually, I changed my mind. Can I have the Matt Damon instead?"
So, yeah, I really need to switch desks.