Thursday, July 26, 2007

Law & Order: Call of Duty



Jury Duty, that is. This is Noelle Hancock, coming at you live from 100 Centre Street in downtown Manhattan! While I'm here, I figured I might as well live-blog this Grishamian adventure.


8:45 a.m.: I told my parents last night that this is the closest I’m ever getting to a court room unless I’m in handcuffs (they annually call to tell me when the LSATs are taking place and provide the location of the nearest test-taking facility in my area).

9 a.m.: Damn, there are a lot of bad outfits up in this piece. One woman actually has bells on her socks. She’s approximately 45 years old.

10:10 a.m.: My court officer just revealed to the room that he moonlights as a spin instructor. I really don't know what to do with this information.

11:30 a.m.: Lots of reading. Why do people always complain about jury duty? You’re basically being paid to read the paper. I haven’t been this well-informed in years.

Noon: Two-and-a-half hours for lunch?? Rock! I ask myself, "Where would Fred Thompson eat?" A quick look around reveals that, in the criminal justice system, the local eateries are represented by two separate but equally disgusting food groups – the street hot dogs steamed in human sweat and the hamburgers that have at least five hard things in them. These are your options. [chung, chung!]

3 p.m.: The lawyers sit us down in groups and have us answer a series of questions. “Where do you live? Did you graduate college? What are your hobbies?...” My hobbies? I haven’t had "hobbies” since I was filling out my college applications, and even back then, most of them were made up. I want to say bestiality and class A drugs but instead I answer, “Uh, yoga?”

4:30 p.m.: A fellow prospective juror -- with an uncanny resemblance to Uncle Junior from The Sopranos -- has the winning numbers from the last several years of New York lottery drawings. He tells me he believes there’s a pattern in the numbers and he’s thisclose to deciphering it. I really don’t want to be sequestered in an enclosed room with this individual.

5 p.m.: Omg. They picked me. Say hello to Juror #4.

4 comments:

Lindsey said...

Omg, hilarious, I'm dying. Love it.

tayb7 said...

Where would Fred Thompson eat? That's brilliantly hilarious.

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